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Somewhere in Europe...Posted by:
 Nasos
Translation: Revolutionary method of increasing breast size through touching by hand, prices starting with 10 korunes, get information from the driver
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Looters in Florida’s friendliest hometown have especially broken into stores that sell items like laxatives, vitamins, hearing aids, reading glasses, energy drinks and surgical stockings. The thugs were easily caught and arrested since they were using their walkers and golf carts to flee. ... For those of you who don't live in Florida or know nothing about The Villages, it is the largest retirement community in the state and maybe the country. It's population is a little over 122,000 (at latest census) with a minimum age requirement of 55. Read more |
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Mikado commercial starring GodzillaPosted by:
 DonRobusto |
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Gabe the GorillaPosted by:
 oldshuntr
Did you hear about the recent incident at the _______Zoo? (fill in your local Zoo's name). Their famous Gorilla, Gabe, died unexpectedly and he had been one of the biggest attractions--especially for the children.
Well, since the busy season for the zoo was just around the corner and they did not have time to get a new gorilla, one of the zookeepers came up with this idea. They had one of the other zookeepers dress up in a complete gorilla outfit and pretend to be Gabe. This zookeeper really took to this new job and he got to be quite good at swinging from the branches, eating bananas and was fooling everyone. ... Read more |
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Moderating anysubj.comPosted by:
 Dr.Evil
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That's Dopey . . .Posted by:
 Bread&Circuses
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A Cab Driver Picks Up A NunPosted by:
oldshuntr
A cab driver picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you.
"She answers: "My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive." ... Read more |
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Protesters thought they could block a truck driver from going down the street. A motorcycle was dropped right in front of the truck. The driver didn't care. He put the pedal to the metal, pushing the bike down the street, sending sparks flying. The protesters chased the truck, but it was long gone.
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At the bar...Posted by:
 Middleman
A man was sitting at a bar, having a beer.
He heard, "Hey, that's a nice looking suit." The man looked around, but there was no one near him. Then he heard, "I like the way you cut your hair." Looking around again the man saw no one. "You have the most amazing eyes." Again no one was near him. ... Read more |
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Parakeet demisePosted by:
Middleman
I bought a parakeet. A day after I got it home it fell off its perch and died. I took it back to the pet shop.
The manager asked, "Did it have a yellow stool." "No," I replied. "No furniture whatsoever." |
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You need a mask . . .Posted by:
Bread&Circuses |
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On a park benchPosted by:
Middleman
Three old women were sitting on a park bench when a flasher walked up and exposed himself.
The first old woman had a stroke. The second old woman had a stroke. The third old woman couldn't quite reach it. |
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Whuuuuuuuuuu?Posted by:
Middleman
A former porn star was fired from his job as a gas station attendant. It seems that every time a gas tank was almost full, he'd pull the nozzle out and spray gasoline all over the car.
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Finish line?Posted by:
Middleman
A man picked up a tourist and whisked her off to his room for a little slap and tickle. After they made love the man asked, "Are you finished?"
To his surprise the woman said, "No." The man jumped back in and made passionate love to the woman again and afterwards gasped, "You finish?" Once again the woman said, "No." ... Read more |
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Good news?Posted by:
Middleman
A doctor looked up from the medical records on his desk and said, "I have some good news and some bad news."
"Well, give me the good news first," said his patient. "We're going to name a disease after you." |
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Flash photographyPosted by:
Middleman
Why did the blonde smile when she saw lightning?
She thought someone was taking her picture. |
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Schweddy BallsPosted by:
DonRobusto |
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Back to school . . .Posted by:
Bread&Circuses
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Pay MistakesPosted by:
oldshuntr
One day, an employee received an unusually large check. She decided not to say anything about it.
The following week, her check was for less that the normal amount, and she confronted her boss. "How come," the supervisor inquired, "you didn't say anything when you were overpaid?" Unperturbed, the employee replied, "Well, I can overlook one mistake, but not two in a row!" |
